Hard Questions

I know many of you are in successful/long-term/happy relationships. So I pose these questions with the hopes that you may have insights or experiences to share. I am asking myself questions, and I find I cannot truly answer many of them. Perhaps they don’t have absolute answers.

In the broadest sense, I wonder: What is Love? I mean romantic love, love that gets and keeps people in relationships. More specifically, how can you tell if what you are feeling is love? Can you tell? Does it matter if you can confidently identify it as such?

Does love have requirements or requisites? That is, it is possible to love someone even if you don’t share world views, life goals, or other ‘fundamentals’? Or is it only truly love if there is a strong shared foundation of belief and intention?

I’m having trouble formulating my thoughts coherently – I hardly even know what questions to ask, thinking about these things is so confusing for me. So I’ll leave it at that.

Comments 4

  1. faerieloch wrote:

    well, for your second series of questions, I find that I can love someone who has different world views and beliefs, but I can’t be in a primary, long-term relationship with them.

    Posted 24 Aug 2005 at 07:35
  2. pandoradeloeste wrote:

    “Love is like oxygen. Love is a many-splendoured thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!” – Moulin Rouge

    I had a nice social psych answer to “what is Love” all ready. . .unfortunately I knew it in winter quarter and thus know it no longer. Anyways, experts say it’s a combination of physical attraction/intimacy, companionship, and something else I can’t recall. Fidelity, maybe – emotional, not physical, since I know a few long-lasting open marriages where the husband and wife love only each other but sleep with other people. Once I get back to school it’s in one of my textbooks. One thing I’m pretty sure of: the romantic idea that there’s only one romantic partner for you and if you’re separated you can never love anyone else? Not true at all. Love is friendship extended in a couple different dimensions – it can be formed with a dozen different people (maybe not all at once, though) and broken as well.

    I don’t know if you can tell if you’re feeling love. There’s the whole giddy, walking-on-air thing that happens in the beginning of a relationship, but that’s temporary and doesn’t last very long. In my own experience, it didn’t really click for me until something happened that made me think I was going to lose Aaron – when the world went upside-down and I couldn’t breathe or see straight, then I knew that I was afraid of losing something very special. But that’s me and I have a hard time pinning down my own emotions until they’re pointed out to me by someone or something. Your mileage may vary.

    I suppose it’s possible to love someone despite differences of opinion on very fundamental things – at first, anyway. Eventually, though, if you’re not careful the fundamental differences of opinion could lead to trouble. It’s possible to build on that love and make long-term commitments, but it requires a lot of communication and some compromise. My uncle (very liberal) recently married a staunch Republican, and all they had to do was agree to disagree about politics and not argue about it. On the other hand, some things can’t be compromised on, and those are things that can make it impossible to live with someone even if you love them with all your heart. Having kids is a good example – you can’t compromise and have half a child or have one and do a half-assed job of raising it, you either commit to having one and do your best by him/her or you don’t have one at all. If two people are so fundamentally opposed on issues like that, then it’s probably in everyone’s best interest to let each other go and find someone who agrees with their view.

    Posted 24 Aug 2005 at 07:36
  3. prismakaos wrote:

    love has no boundaries, that’s kinda half of its definition. and i’m not sure you know when you feel love. it’s sort of the same for me as it is for maria…as soon as i think i’m going to lose them, i suddenly realize that it’ll be really hard to survive without him…

    i dunno, i just sort of know… but i’m not entirely sure how it feels in a primary, long-term relationship, since i haven’t ever really had one of those… hm. love is the feeling that you can wrap them around you like a warm blanket and be content.

    Posted 24 Aug 2005 at 10:47
  4. wyterabbit wrote:

    Thank you all for your input.

    Posted 24 Aug 2005 at 13:05

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *