Ramble…

Somewhere between the end of CS section yesterday and dinner today I think I lost my sense of reality. Yesterday was Earth Day, so I spent a few hours in White Plaza helping man a table for the Recycling Center. I also got to see Hammad briefly. After voice I went straight to Potter and did an instance run (= several hours of one specific part of World of Warcraft) before eating dinner at Lag. I think that’s where it began, maybe….the hours and hours of Warcraft, dinner at a strange dining hall….oh, and the weather. Quite odd.

Today was a celebration of my (maternal) grandmother’s 90th birthday. For those of you who do not know, she is dying of esophogeal cancer, and is on a feeding tube almost 24/7 though she is very independent and can still drive herself. Up until last winter, however, she was bicycling to work every day, as she has for forty years. Can you imagine? Being almost 90 and biking to a job? She is absolutely amazing. I didn’t know what to do for her birthday so I sat down and wrote her a card, and found myself crying as I tried to express how much I love her without thinking about the fact that we don’t know how much longer she’ll be around for. The party today was full of family and old friends of hers, people she’d met as far away as Taiwan and who had flown from as far as Hawaii and Virginia to be here. I was the only one of my generation, and I found myself surrounded by people who knew more about me than I did about them. People from all walks of life… chefs, seamstresses, successful authors, university professors… and I realized just how much my grandmother cares about me, from how much her friends had heard about me. It was quite touching… I met the woman who made dresses for Nana forty and fifty years ago in Taiwan: dresses I have worn to junior prom, Viennese Ball, and several LARPs.

When I live to be that old, if I do, I can only hope to have lived a life half as full as hers. For some reason all I want right now is to be among people I care about. Learning about pointers for CS seems so inconsequential compared to the people and places who change your life. And here I am at Stanford, dedicating myself as best I can to academics, and so often keeping in touch with friends, family, and mentors gets put off because it isn’t as “important” as the homework due tomorrow or the book I want to finish reading now. But if they aren’t important, what is? I want to go on walks and have long conversations about life, I want to hear people’s stories, I want to learn and grow…

I have so many resolutions I find it hard to keep, but if nothing else I resolve in the next year, and for the rest of my life, to make a priority all the people who have touched my life. And there are so many… I am only beginning to appreciate how incredibly lucky I am for having so many people who have taken care of me and believed in me since before I can remember. My gratitude and thoughts go out to them all tonight…

Comments 1

  1. anonymous wrote:

    Your grandmother is an amazing woman. If we end up with half as many adventures and stories as she has, we will be doing well…

    Posted 24 Apr 2005 at 07:17

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