Tuesday November 30, 2004

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a nope, zero
your best quality is you suck (literally)
your worst quality is you have a huge…..ego
this is because of who you are inside
Quiz created with MemeGen!

As though I needed affirmation that I suck. So yeah, lately I’ve been feeling like I’m failing all my classes, which for me means (yeah, laugh all you like) that I probably won’t be getting As in everything this quarter. I swear, if I had just gotten Bs my first or second quarters last year it would be fine, but now I feel like I’m not meeting my own standards. I keep getting homework assignments back with low scores (a scary number of them from forgetting to submit or write up problems) and I just end up feeling like I’m falling apart and underachieving and going to get Bs in all of my classes. I still feel decent about linguistics and PWR, but math and logic are shaky, which is just about the saddest thing ever, because I used to be a math person. I wish I still were a math person, but I think I have to admit I’m not.

I guess I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out, but that’s no excuse. 10 weeks isn’t that long and we’re not even done yet. What really makes it stupid is that every time I get a homework back with a disappointing score it makes me cry. Then I just feel pathetic. So okay, what’s the worst that can happen? I get two Bs this quarter? Is that the end of the world? No, but I’ll be letting myself down, and possibly other people close to me, and probably the Buck Foundation, which I really really can’t afford to do. Maybe I’ll write an apology letter, but I don’t want to be making excuses for myself, because what’s my excuse? I have none. It just all leads back to that nagging fear that surfaces every now and then that I don’t belong here at Stanford, and perhaps I don’t even belong in academia at all. I know, I know, you all think I’m stupid and wish I’d shut up because who cares if you get a few Bs, but that isn’t really the point. The point is not feeling excited academically, and not having the motivation to do my best on all my work. Or something. I don’t know. Enough of this rant, though, I’ve got a final PWR research project due tomorrow (ohhhh so that’s why you’re updating your blog) and I am not exactly done yet. Happy thoughts.

Comments 6

  1. dalazhreia wrote:

    awww… that’s a mean quiz.
    …Imagine someone who gets their life’s affirmation from those things… ouch.

    Posted 30 Nov 2004 at 18:01
  2. wytehare wrote:

    Okay, I have to admit that when I type my name with a lower case “r” instead it gives me a 10. Go figure. But it just made me sad because it was mean. Mean people suck.

    Posted 30 Nov 2004 at 18:05
  3. loki345 wrote:

    Hey Rowyn:

    <TABLE style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid; FONT-FAMILY: Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse” cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 align=center>

    <TBODY>
    <TR>
    <TH bgColor=#000000 colSpan=2>Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
    <TR>
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#333333>Your first full name
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#ddddaa>
    <TR>
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#333333>Your personality rates a
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#ddddaa>12
    <TR>
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#333333>your best quality is
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#ddddaa>people envy you
    <TR>
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#333333>your worst quality is
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#ddddaa>nothin’
    <TR>
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#333333>this is because
    <TD style=”BORDER-RIGHT: black 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: black 1px solid; BORDER-LEFT: black 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: black 1px solid” bgColor=#ddddaa>Of the people you hang around

    Thank you for helping me obtain such a high score.  It must be because you are funny, nice, and smart.

    Don’t worry.  I couldn’t have imagined Branner without you last year.  You belong. 

    Posted 30 Nov 2004 at 20:20
  4. dalazhreia wrote:

    huh. did I not see the text before? Odd. Anyways, yes, I know how you feel. I’m turning in my Hum research paper tomorrow (not the same thing as it is due tomorrow… eheh) … and that’s why I’m commenting on your blog. Winter break is coming up, though!

    Posted 30 Nov 2004 at 22:53
  5. Prismakaos wrote:

    hang in there, darling.  ;)  iz all good…

    Posted 01 Dec 2004 at 02:28
  6. spamchang wrote:

    ahh rowyn…cheer up, you could be me, trying to make C’s in godawful classes with grad students in them =P take care

    Posted 01 Dec 2004 at 07:10

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