Tuesday April 6, 2004

I’ve had lots to think about lately, but first of all, SoloMio, who are you?  I hope you’ll tell me eventually, if you won’t now.  Justin’s memorial was last Saturday.  It was odd how sometimes throughout the service it would hit me that he was gone.  Death is so un-immediate for me…the most immediate it has ever been was when my rabbit died and when my cat died.  Then I saw them lifeless, and buried them.  But to hear that someone is dead, see their face in pictures, it just doesn’t sink in.  I can’t really imagine what Paul and other close friends of Jusin must be going through.  I think the most moving part of the whole afternoon was when Bryan played Ashokan Farewell on his cello.  In part it tugged strongly on my Revels heartstrings, but in part it was just so poignant, and conveyed a sense of loss and regret without any anger. 

Death is such a hard thing to get the mind around.  You can’t remember dying, and you can’t really imagine what it is like to not exist.  I can hardly tell you what it is like to fall asleep, and I’ve never been knocked out or passed out, so I can’t compare it to loss of consciousness.  When I think about it, I understand why so many people across the centuries and around the globe have chosen to believe that there is life after death.  It is a belief which I will gladly turn to when I despair of rational comprehension, despite the fact that I would normally be unable to tell you whether I believe in a life after death or not.

The LARP finished interestingly, in my opinion.  We successfully launched the laser, but lost S in the process.  I was actually somewhat upset when he died.  In general I was lucky to have been caught in a part of the plot that was decently interesting, if not the most action-packed.  Martin’s speeches were incredible, and Henry deserves the credit for turning our take-over-the-world plan into a humane, globally-conscious and potentially globally-beneficial effort.  I think in the end it deviated quite a bit from the GMs’ conception of what could happen, which isn’t a bad thing.  I know that the only way I’m going to get better at role-playing is to keep doing, but it’s hard to remember.  Hopefully I’ll learn to work more flexibly within my characters abilities, and to separate myself a degree or two further from my OOC, real life self.

I would write more but no one would read it, or if they would they don’t deserve to have to suffer through more idle rambling.  But today wasn’t a bad day, and perhaps I’ll have a tad more reflection on it tomorrow.

Comments 4

  1. troglodyteking wrote:

    “I would write more but no one would read it, or if they would they don’t deserve to have to suffer through more idle rambling.”

    That never stopped me before. *smile* But then I tend to be a very oblivious person and mostly write my ramblings out as a record for myself and to fully process ideas.

    Posted 06 Apr 2004 at 16:42
  2. spamchang wrote:

    your words about death don’t seem related to the larp…condolences =\

    Posted 06 Apr 2004 at 18:02
  3. dalazhreia wrote:

    _I’d_ read it…

    and yeah, for all my facade I can’t deal with death either… maybe that’s why I act the way I do…

    Posted 07 Apr 2004 at 03:08
  4. cellowest wrote:

    I’m glad you found the cello playing to be meaningful.  No one should have to play at one of their best friend’s funerals, but sometimes that’s the way life is, and is for me right now.


    Posted 10 Apr 2004 at 03:21

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *