Tuesday April 20, 2004

I’m so angry and frustrated right now.  Whenever I get upset about anything it takes very little time for it to get directed towards myself.  I’m more than annoyed, I’m disgusted.  All it takes is one stupid little thing to push me over the edge.  So I’m supposed to have a topic and a rough thesis for a PWR research paper and I didn’t do it this weekend, although I spent time brainstorming, and I forgot today, so now I’ve lost my chance to get a good night’s sleep, and it still isn’t done, and I’m in such a bad mood that I almost don’t care what I write, only on some level I really do.  And I have a meeting before class tomorrow.  And a paper to write tomorrow night.  And dinner out with a group of scholarship recipients.  And choir.

AND I KNEW ALL OF THIS EXCEPT THE MEETING AS OF A WEEK AGO.

I’m so frustrated that I waste so much time…even when I do decent work one day, like today, it doesn’t make up for all the work I should have been doing over the past week.  I don’t plan ahead, I avoid PWR work, and I waste SO DAMN MUCH TIME that it makes me swear, which I hardly ever do.  ASL:KJDALFKJLDSJF LSDLFH.  Gah.  Makes me want to say screw it, screw it all, this stupid education, this stupid world, but then I remind myself that I bring it all upon myself, and I have no one to blame but myself, so I deserve to lose the sleep, and get bad grades, but I don’ t deserve to cop out and give up and be lazy and stupid and weak.  *sputter* I’m going to bed.

Comments 2

  1. forgetmeknot wrote:

    take a deep breath!  as funny as it may sound, now is the most free time we’ll ever have so cherish all of this stupid work and that you have entire nights to do it in and classes the next day that you can afford to skip and a young body that can withstand allnighters and function on as little as 3 hours of sleep a night and friends with whom you can procrastinate and no accountability when it comes to goofing off on a weeknight (eek!) and just remember that in thirty years you probably won’t care what grade you got on this pwr paper. 

    Posted 20 Apr 2004 at 17:29
  2. Prismakaos wrote:

    DUDE!!  breathe, darling.  you definitely deserve some destress time.

    Posted 20 Apr 2004 at 18:58

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