life

Basic summary = statement of the obvious:

Life is complicated.

It is 3 AM and I have to get up before 9 tomorrow morning. I have not finished my math problem set, started my physics problem set, or written any of my IHUM essay, all of which are due before 5 PM on Friday afternoon. This is bad.

I have been distracted this evening by conversations about relationships. Everywhere I turn, there is discontent. Singles who want to be in a relationship, people in relationships who are worried about them or confused about them, people who don’t want to be in relationships that other people want to be in with them. Maybe there is something in the air, the springtime in the Bay Area, but everyone seems caught up in it. No one wants to be left out. And I hear stories and people tell me things that I’m not sure I want to hear, but which I probably should hear because it is the real world. I know I have friends who would understand if I explained my discomfort, but there is only one person to whom I really feel I could talk about it, but I can’t talk to this person. Such is life. Where is the sanity? Where have the days of sardines and the Emperor’s New Groove gone? Why am I surrounded by people who want careers, people who want physical relationships…people who are not like me. What am I anyway? Am I really that much of a loner? I’m hardly antisocial but it is hard to find people who not only think like me but feel like me as well. Which is an important distinction. I find some of one or the other in most of my friends, but both is hard. Which isn’t to say I think I’m particularly unusual, just that I can feel isolated. I want someone to explain myseslf to me, but if no one else knows quite what it is like to be me, how can they do that?

I know tomorrow will be an awful day, but it will pass. I just want to get better, get through this quarter, and recenter myself before I totally lose my grip on something, a possibility to which I feel all too close sometimes. But really, it is all self-inflicted. I blame no one but myself, but I do not learn my lessons easily. Perhaps this time. Perhaps. What will it take?

Comments 7

  1. WordPress › Error

    There has been a critical error on this website.

    Learn more about troubleshooting WordPress.