It is somewhat amusing in a sad way to look back through my weblog/journal entries and find one that says pretty much exactly what I’m thinking/feeling at the present. Somehow I’m always a little bit surprised that I could have felt so unhappy or whatever in just the same way before, and perhaps even multiple times. Duh, I know. Still, when I find myself floundering around in self-doubt and deprecation, it is disturbing to look back and find out how often I feel this way. Part of me is like gees, snap out of it. Another part is like gosh, I must be pretty hopeless if I haven’t been able to escape the faults and flaws that plague me after all this time. I tend to have these fabulously pointless arguments with people about my self-esteem or whatever, which always leave me annoyed with myself for even *having* such discussions and wondering if I’m missing something or they’re missing something. I don’t necessarily disagree with some of the positive things people say about me, and perhaps I should focus on things to like about myself. I guess I feel like everything comes with a ‘but’…a reason that it doesn’t mean anything. Umm not making sense. Oh well.
Down the Rabbit Hole
Rowyn's intermittent blog
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