AP joys

I thought it was ironic that in the math AP part “A” today it said “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” across of the top of each page. I added “h!” because I was amused. Ironic, I say, because it didn’t make me want to scream or cry. In fact, it was positively fun. I love math.

Not econ, though. I don’t love econ. I don’t even really like it. Which makes me feel like I don’t like work, which is bad, or I don’t like doing things that are hard for me, which is worse. You know, once in a while I get these painful reminders that sometimes you can try your hardest and give your best and never get anything back. Like in choir. It is like I’m pouring my emotional, vocal, and mental energy into a void, never to be seen again. ‘Course, I hate to say that the problem is the other people, even if it is. Not all of them, just some, but it only takes some. I *almost* (but not really…never have, never will) wish that I didn’t care. That I was disruptive and disrespectful. Because as far as I can tell, the people who are don’t feel bad about being that way, so I wouldn’t even feel guilty. Duh. If they felt guilty, they wouldn’t do it. Provided, of course, that we assume they have some self-control. Which I sometimes wonder about. ‘Tis something I’m very glad to have. It makes me who I am, to a certain extent, although it never really occurred to me until this year.

Okay, enough random rambling. At least I have friends who are good, conscientious, decently self-restraining people. And their nice. That’s very important. I’m lucky, when I think about it, to know them. Right. Stopping.

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